No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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