I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
third nipple confirmed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
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