you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
