Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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