She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
