hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
