Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
