Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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