I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
