i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
