Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
