I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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