Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
