I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
