Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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