So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sext me about skeletons
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
