there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
