I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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