wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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