Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
