You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
