somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
