Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
