I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
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I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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