Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
