just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
