I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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