dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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