you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
