Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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