her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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