I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
