Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
