I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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