I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Randomize
