i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
