Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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