i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
