That's intense
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
