My nipple is on Facebook.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
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Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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