eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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