She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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