Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
There r osticjed everywhere
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
