Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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