oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
