and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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