remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
