no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
