Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize