My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
