Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
