Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
