How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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