It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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