if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
