I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
