It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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