I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you made out with another girl for some wings
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
