are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
