the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
