your parents love me but you hate me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
