Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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