Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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