I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
