Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
