that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
