Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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