I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
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Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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