U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize