so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
