WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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