Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She's not a foreskin expert like you
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
