i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
